Starting over is a very hard thing to do. I would like to start out by saying that I have grown by leaps and bounds since my son, Aiden, was born last year. When our little family of two became three. Aiden has brought such joy into our lives. I don't want to lead you on to think that everything has been perfect. It hasn't. Our small family, literally had to start over.
When Aiden was three months, I went back to work as an Assistant Director of a childcare facility in Louisville, Ky. He immediately developed the RSV virus after being there for 3 days. You can imagine how this made us feel. As young, first time parents, you barely know what you're doing, much less knowing how to handle your child being sick and hospitalized AND having to miss work. It's a L O N G, drawn out story, but we eventually had to take Aiden out of childcare and I resigned from my job in October 2011. We were terrified of what our future held. We had so many questions that were left unanswered. How will we provide for our family? Will this even work?
I went through this phase of depression that I can only describe as a "funk". I cried most of the day. I had this feeling of no self worth. I didn't think that I would ever be able to help provide for my family and I was worried about that. I am not one to sit on my toosh and do nothing all day and let my husband do everything for me. That's not how I was raised. I have a strong work ethic that I got from both of my parents and I am proud of that. For those of you that have had depression, you know that it isn't something to play with. It truly leaves you feeling hopeless. Now, I have always been a Christian and have always been a "believer", but, there is one thing that I have always struggled with with God. I have never been able to give Him full control. In January, I finally had to make this a priority in my life. I felt that I was hitting rock bottom. I remember going to our bedroom and falling to my knees and just crying into my hands. I prayed hard to God that night. Harder then I have ever prayed before. I asked God to please show me what He wanted for me in my life. I asked Him to show me, slap me in the face with it Lord! I NEEDED Him to take the burden's of everyday life away from me and take action. I was ready to follow His lead. I couldn't do this by myself anymore.
Friends, this is what I mean when I say that I "started over". I went from being a wife, a new mommy, having a career to just being at home with my son. Just being a mommy and a wife. That was hard for me but now, now it is SO rewarding. I now have all of my titles back because I have found the career that God wants for me. I found a biblical based company to be a part of that I LOVE. I am HAPPY being a mommy and wife. God has so much in store for our little family and I am just a long for the ride. No need in being in control. God has that taken care of. We are starting over and this time, everything is going to be all right because we are in HIS hands.
